I’ve pulled some sketch shit, I’ve made mistakes and I’ve done some awful things- but I can truly say I care for the well beings of others, I’m content with myself and my choices, and I feel centered.
I miss you, and I’m dying for someone to talk to about everything running through my mind. I’m dying to tear up and share laughs with you. I still avoid bringing you up or talking about you, but I’m getting better at it. I bring you up sometimes. I want to visit your grave in February, I hope I can. I know your still with me, I can still feel you. Living through me.
I always like to live fast, get as much in as I could. I figured that if the world and all in it were just going in various circles on circles, I might as well experience as many circles as I could, as fast as I could. And I cared about others and I cared about the world, but I didn’t care about myself so much, and love was the last thing I gave a fuck about. Relationship type love that is, anyway.
But being with Nick isn’t like being with anyone else, being with Nick is just- perfect. Like my partner. He just gets it. And we just, do as we do.
And I never would have expected this. But I like it.
And yes, I long to tell him I love him,
I’m not sure why I hesitate, like I’m just scared that I’m just setting myself up to get hurt.
Because things happen, and situations change.
But that isn’t something you should worry about, really. Because yeah, you could get hurt. But wasn’t it awesome while it lasted? And isn’t that what really matters?
They’re not real. They’re only real if you believe in them.
You are an unlimited being.
You can have, do, or be anything.
Your thoughts create your reality.
Live in the now.