look through my eyes.

~ Wednesday, August 6 ~

Even though you’ve lived a different life than mine, I do not look down on you or question you’re intelligence, I never want you to feel shame, and I always boast your esteem,
I love you,
But why do you always make me feel below you?

How can you make me feel beautiful in one night, but take it back the next day, and make me feel like a cheap whore,
Cause my skirts to short,
And my shirt rides too high

~ Wednesday, July 16 ~

I always thought I had all these special friendships with all these people. I get close to someone and I think we have a divine connections, but here I am today and I learn these feelings are one sided. Nothing is special. Nothing really mattered. And learning all those people from your past didn’t see you the way you saw them, can make you wonder, what about the people in your life today?
But no matter how many times I’ve been let down, I keep believing.
Because, someone has to.

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~ Sunday, July 13 ~

I’m upset that Nikki never talks to me, that Taylor threw away our friendship for someone who doesn’t give a fuck about her, that Vaekna doesn’t even have the respect to open the door and HAS PICTURES ON FACEBOOK OF HER WITH MY STUFF, that Tim isn’t currently next to me, that I tried so hard to be there for Vaenka and this is how she treats me, that Vince let go of me. That Moose was actually a shitty friend. That someone, probably Taylor told some girl I slept with I’m embarrassed at how much people used me. 

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~ Wednesday, June 11 ~

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we did

we did

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~ Sunday, June 8 ~
I used to think that I could never lose anyone if I photographed them enough. In fact, my pictures show me how much I’ve lost
— Nan Goldin (via artdiscover)

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~ Saturday, June 7 ~
You are the only girl I want, the only one I need. I see love in your eyes and feel peace in your voice. I value everything you do and see. You see the world through eyes of joy and curiosity making me need to know it all. I love your love and I love you. As you are, I wouldn’t change anything about you. You are as perfect as my mind can comprehend.
— Tim
Tags: love
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i feel sick to my tummy

Tay: i need to get away, i feel like everything is falling apart and i feel like im losing my mind.
Me: whats going on hun
Me: where are you
Tay: dont worry bout that go catch sum herps suckin dick for $$$$$$$$$
Me: notttttt taylor
Me: okay well when you get this let me know, youre always free here, i hope youre okay and dont worry i’m not upset at your jerky immature boyfriend (or whoever sent that), i just hope if it was him he grows up cause hes going to be a father, plus i stopped doing that, but like i said, not mad, have nothing aganst em, just want to know youre okay and remember i love you and if you need anything let me know and ill do my best to get it to you
12 minutes ago
Tay: She’s perfectly ok but I just don’t have respect for people who sell there body how could anyone do that.. I don’t kno Taylor’s past but while in with her I don’t want her around that shit especially after I seen some message two years ago talkin about y’all got someone for both of y’all now for 300 now and 35o later ….
Me: you do it because you need to eat, or because your friend owes someone 500 bucks or they’ll get their ass beat and you want to help, or because you need a way to pay for a hotel so you dont have to sleep on the street, or to help your friend pay for there car, and i’m not doing it anymore. maybe you should learn to have respect for everyone considering your girlfriend used to do it, too. everyone has a story, i’m sure you’ve done some shitty and low things in your life, but i wouldn’t ever judge you for it, or anyone else. i don’t judge people just because they sin differently than i do. and i certainly don’t disrespect them or make them feel low about themselves as you’ve tried to do with me several times. like i said, i don’t hold anything against you but maybe you should think about the things you say, esspically since taylor used to be in the same boat as me, would you say these things to her? and also because i stopped and i’m really working on changing my life around. i love taylor to death, i would go out of my way for her, so whats so bad about her having a friend who actually gives a fuck?

~ Friday, June 6 ~

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I didn’t want you
to only fuck me,
I wanted you to
love me.

But I didn’t know what to
convince you with
besides my body.

Hot Winds, Holy Thoughts | Lora Mathis (via lora-mathis)

This makes me sad

(via honest-ee)


(via empty-elagance)

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dear milena,

it’s 2014 and you’d love all the stuff that is out plus how everyone is dressing. i wonder how youre brothers are doing, i’ll ask your auntie next time i talk to her. me and her check in occasionally. 
i don’t really have any close friends now. i’m pretty distant from everyone, which made me wonder, if you were alive, where would we stand? you were so much better than me. you’d most likely be in some fancy college, seeing the world but never letting the world see you. so this thought made me think, what if someone i used to be close to, died now? do i still have the right to be upset even though were distant? i just hope no one dies. 
for once this includes myself. i don’t want to die. i want to learn and explore and love and get married and have babies and live to be a grandmother and maybe one day i’ll even go after my little writing dream, and i’ll be sure to write about you, if i do.
ever since you died, i’ve basically lived enough for both of us. i did all sorts of things you would have wanted to see and do, and of course never got the chance because of the sheltered family life. sometimes i felt like you were living through me. even now, when i see something beautiful, i take a mental snapshot for you. 

i…i’m going to stop living for you, though. i’m going to settle down, of course, i hope you enjoy this new life of mine, too. and i’m not going to run, like we used to. i’m going to stop and feel everything.
"if i’m free its because i’m always running."

i love you. i love you. i loved you.
i can’t keep asking why.
or what happened.
because i still want to cry all the time and no one ever talks about you and i should be over it but i cant just put a new person in my heart where theres a hole shaped like you.

closed. for now. just for now, lena. 

~ Thursday, June 5 ~


i like that post about the girl drinking too much and the guy not trying anything just tucking her in
i stopped drinking vodka after this one night when i couldnt move and everything was sideways and this guy I trusted took me to his dorm and fucked me and i couldnt do anything. i didnt even feel it i just went to sleep


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